Dealing with Denial

Over the years of counselling people with addictions, including alcohol dependency, emotional overeating, depression, relationship problems and general anxiety, it is evident that many people are in denial. They can’t see that their self-sabotaging behavior is the source of their unhappiness. They often look for a magic pill to fix their problems or someone else to blame for their unhappy situation.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

Denial is:

• Being unwilling to face problems either on a conscious or subconscious level
• Behaving as if there is no real problem
• Blaming other people for how they feel – it’s always someone else’s fault!
• Defensive or aggressive behavior to avoid the real truth about themselves.

People in denial can project an image that others will accept and hide their true feelings behind a mask. These people are a constant cause of frustration to those around them because they are unable to confront the truth about their problem. They can become delusional, leading to a feeling that everything is OK, even when it is not.

Unresolved denial can result in:

1. Greater conflict between family, friends and colleagues.
2. Stuck in their own limited belief system and hindering any attempts to break free of self-sabotaging behaviors and poor problem solving skills
3. Alienating themselves from family, friends and colleagues through lack of communication skills
4. Families and friends often getting caught up in the denial and enabling them to continue their self-destructive behavior with overeating, alcohol, drugs, toxic relationships, etc.
5. Resentment of people trying to help them.

How can denial be confronted?

Question and challenge their limited belief system. This takes time and patience and requires a professional approach to avoid further denial.

Many people find it difficult to question and challenge their limited belief system because they are unaware that they are the problem. We all have choices and are free to choose how we respond to life’s situations. We are free to choose our thoughts. It is our thoughts (thinking) that produce our feelings that produce our behavior. Denial takes away our freedom to choose.

Our emotional growth is stunted and our life becomes unmanageable. That’s when we look for food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, overload ourselves with work, excessive exercise and gambling, to escape reality.

A depressed person is often the last to know because they live in denial about their illness. They often perceive depression as a sign of weakness or attach some perceived stigma to depression. Again, this is a person’s limited belief system that needs to be challenged.

“We cannot solve problems with the same thinking we had when we created the problems!” Albert Einstein

The above statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease.