Being Alone and Lonely In Early Recovery

Being Alone and Lonely In Early Recovery

“I’m fine when I’m at an AA meeting or having coffee with my friends. I’m even OK at work. It’s just when I go home and have to be with myself that I feel like I want to climb the walls or get plastered for no reason at all. If I get inside my head for too long, I’m behind enemy lines – it can get very dangerous inside my head when I’m alone.”

I hear this all the time from people in early recovery and from recovered alcoholics with long term sobriety. Many people never learn to enjoy their own company. From the time they are babies, someone’s been there to entertain them.

When they find themselves alone as adults, they are jumpy and anxious, especially if they haven’t learned to like themselves, which is the catalyst that drives most people to the bottle.

Alcoholics/addicts use chemicals in the attempt to transform themselves into more acceptable company.

“If you really knew me, would you still like me?” Is their Mantra about what they really think of themselves. They have no self-esteem or self-worth and get through life on ego and confidence. Confidence is a learned skill and they have the confidence to drive a car, do their job, catch a plane, etc. But when it comes to how they really feel about themselves, they look in the mirror with this overwhelming feeling of despair and hatred.

This is when they are most vulnerable and succumb to picking up the drink or the drug. They drink to feel normal and they drink to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Once the chemicals are removed, they are back to feeling uncomfortably lonesome. But why feel alone? Turn yourself into good company. It will take effort but you are responsible for how you feel, no one can do it for you. If you depend on other people for how you feel, you will be disappointed.

Tips on how to like your own company:

• Get loose. Learn relaxation techniques, such as meditation, Mindfulness, yoga, Tai Chi or Chi Gong. Prayer and meditation have a similar effect and they help you get in touch with yourself, which is necessary if you are to become a good companion.
• Get busy. Take up a serenely solo hobby such as collecting stamps, knitting, crocheting, and woodworking – anything that will occupy you when you are alone. The time you spend alone passes more quickly and pleasantly and a constructive hobby gives you a sense of achievement that makes you feel better about yourself.
• Get physical. Set up a regular exercise program in the house using videos or in-home exercise machines, at the gym or in the park. Not only will physical activity keep you happily occupied, it will pump endorphins in your brain and lift your mood. I keep my exercise bike in the lounge room in front of the TV and pedal away while watching the News at night. There is also a park near where I live that has exercise equipment as part of the park’s attraction.
• Get educated. Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and other AA materials. Google Dopamine and alcoholism and you will learn a lot about yourself and your brain chemistry, which is inherited if you have a parent that suffered with alcoholism. You can join an audio reading club and select books to read to you if your eyes are tired or you can’t be bothered reading.
• You can download positive thinking tapes to you MP3 player and listen to a host of recovery tips via hypnotherapy web sites. Many of these tapes are free.
• Get serious. Take an inventory or work on your journal. 6 to 8 months into your recovery, you will see how much your thinking has changed. You have to change your thinking to change your feelings (emotions) to change your behaviour if you are to achieve long term sobriety.
• Get out. Limit your time alone to what is absolutely necessary until more progress in recovery kicks in.
• Mix with positive people and stay away from negative, self-centred people who emotionally drain you of your energy.

If you would like a FREE copy of my book, Recovery from Alcoholism, send me your details via counsellor1950@bigpond.com and I will send you a copy via return email.

If you are still drinking and/or drugging, your liver would be in a very sorry mess. In the meantime, while you make up your mind about changing your attitude towards life, you might like to help your liver with the following suggested products.

LivaTone Plus is a more powerful formula that can support liver function when there are more chronic liver problems. LivaTone Plus combines the proven doses of St Mary’s Thistle with the benefits of Turmeric and Selenium. It also contains all the B vitamins and the amino acid Taurine as well as the antioxidant vitamins C and E. LivaTone Plus is designed to support the step one and two detoxification pathways in the liver.

My Ultimate Gut Health powder  can help support efficient brain function along with Tyrosine Pure Mood Food as Tyrosine is necessary for the manufacture of dopamine and noradrenaline, which are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy stable mood.

Magnesium is known as The Great Relaxer and may assist in the reduction of stress, nervous tension, anxiety and sleeplessness.

Glicemic Balance Capsules aid in the metabolism of carbohydrates and supports insulin function and is helpful in curbing sugar and carbohydrate cravings when you are detoxing from alcohol.

Further information about alcohol dependency treatment or my Serenity by the Sea rehabilitation Program via Skype or telephone, see: or email me at counsellor1950@bigpond.com